Knackered Death Star

About time for it's MOT?
JPL source

Doodles

These are the consequences of a massive doodlesesh...

All from one piece of paper :)

Wombat

Professor Pint

Bird-snail

Snail-bird

Moose

Airship

Butterfly

Doggy dog

Picasso cow

Blu-Tack Sculptures

Tiny Space Shuttle

Spider

Snail

Caterpillar

24 Hour Garidge

Some doodling on the subject of a 24 hr garidge...

Guardian Adverts

I was absolutely furious to find the Guardian left some blank columns in it's gossip section, which could have been used for valuable advertising, so I grabbed a felt tipped pen and made up my own adverts:

Steradent Smile

Swarfega Beauty Treatment:

Nice Cuppa

I think Tetley should hire me for their next

advertising campaign, although quite frankly

I'm not sure what on earth I've drawn in

the above picture...

Badly Drawn Rabbit

Badly drawn frog: “hello”
Badly drawn rabbit: “hello there!”
Badly drawn frog: “how are you?”
Badly drawn rabbit: “bit crap today”
Badly drawn frog: “Badly drawn again?”
Badly drawn rabbit: “ >sigh <”

Animals at War

In a bid to gain a foothold on The War Against Terror the US military have been softening up the percieved enemy by deploying fluffy animals against them:

1: The carpet bombing of Tora Bora caves with lemmings, who instinctively prevent overpopulation of their habitats by throwing themselves from high places. A simple modification to bomb bay doors of the B52 stratofortress allows the lemmings to leap staight from their burrows and on to the target below.
In December 2001 this tactic proved successful by 'softening up' the Taliban which lead directly to their defeat.



2: The Squirrel Missile- the grey squirrel is considered a pest particularly in areas where it is outcompeting the native red squirrel. One way of reducing their impact on the ecosystem is to fire them from surface-to-air rocket launchers, whereupon they home in on their targets and outbreed the enemy.

Even the epitome of cuteness, the humble duckling did not escape the hawkish gaze from the Pentagon. Tests proved that the duckling wasn't so resilient to the high g-forces experienced from launching, and by the time it reached it's destination the cuteness had been ablated off by the hypersonic re-entry and the result was a rather ugly duckling.

The mating display of the peacock caused great excitement amongst components of U.S. Strategic Command's war planning department.

Pyongyang Valentine

Adolph Hitler renounces Nazism

And grows a beard... Jawohl mein fürher, man!

I can't for the life of me...

..work out what this plug is for. If any of you fellows have any idea, gizza shout...

ta.

Normalised Jocelyne Wildenstein

Most billionaire's wives use plastic surgery in order to make themselves appear more beautiful. Not Jocelyne Wildenstein... Oh no... Apparently she underwent the surgeon's knife to make her look more like a cat.
Believe you me, it was quite a challenge warping her face back to normal, and I got quite a fright when I compared it with the original, believe you me...

Rocket assisted washing line

This washing line uses a rocket to dry your clothes. It's perfectly simple - attach one end of the line to the rocket and the other end to nothing. Coach-bolt your clothes to the washing line, light the blue touch paper, stand back and watch the rocket shoot skywards at hypersonic speeds. The combination of hot rocket exhaust, supersonic airflow and sub-orbital vacuum will dry your clothes faster and more efficiently than any tumble drier I ever saw.

The USB Bike Light

Plug this in to you're laptop and off you go, you pedal powered geek! This is you have been waiting for: the USB powered bicycle light. It has the advantage over conventional bike lights in that as well as the continuous beam and flashing modes, it's configuration of 5 bulbs can be programmed to flash out the processor speed, cooling fan noise (in decibels), nearest availiable wifi/bluetooth devices, geographical location, and ideal cadence.

Air Hair Layer

Claire the fair haired heir to the pair of millionaire bears dared to share her rare chair at the fair, where there were spare squares for the affair.

Bluetooth toothbrush

Do you have a blue toothbrush? Most people will have used one in their lives.
Do you have Bluetooth? This is a wireless communication method made entirely for random people to plop random pictures of their random girlfriends on your mobile phone without you knowing, for you to find at an embarrassing juncture in the future.
What about a bluetooth brush? This could be a little brush for cleaning your bluetooth terminals, BUT as they are not needed because bluetooth works by wireless and has no electrical contacts, it can only be a brush linked wirelessly to your mobile phone so that you can communicate with the business end of the brush whilst you are sweeping the leaves off your patio. Taking it a step further: what about the bluetooth toothbrush? If you have bluetooth sensors installed in your fillings then the toothbrush can communicate with the teeth that transmit data on their status and how much more cleaning is needed on each one, the concentration of toothpaste and vigouousness of the cleaning action.
This data is retransmitted to the nearest high speed wireless network to a central computer hub that stores, processes and redistruibutes the of the status of every tooth in every mouth fitted with this system. Once the national population has been assimilated, dentists will be rioting on The Strand with unused drills because their jobs will be worthless, and headlights on cars will be redundant because of everyone's dazzling smiles.
Naturally the bluetooth toothbrushes will be available in blue to get the blue bluetooth toothbrush.
Some obsessives need to brush their toothbrushes before (and after!) they've brushed their teeth with a toothbrush brush, and with a colour matched pair you could quite conceivably get the blue bluetooth toothbrush brush!